What Do Men and Women Really Want

February 13, 2013 at 7:54 AM

Listen to the shorter Podcast Version

by Don Purdum

what-women-want-in-men.jpgIt's an age old question that men and women have sought answers for centuries on. This Valentine's Day it's no different. Men are trying to discern what she wants, and she's trying to tell him, lol.

There have been books on this topic such as "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, "and movies like the star hit "What Women Want" with Mel Gibson.

In my opinion, we rarely approach this answer with the right motive, because the answer is right underneath our feet. Our motives behind this question are usually centered around selfishness and manipulation.

Why would I say that?

Because, as a general rule, we are trying to position ourselves to get a need or a want met.

For example, Valentine's Day the man is trying to understand how to romance her, so that he can enjoy the evening afterwards. Men think in physical terms as a general rule. But many women think deeper. Perhaps she wants to feel good about herself, her choices, and her life.

According to a recent study by Psychology Today:

What men typically want is: What they don't want is:
  • To look good
  • Feel Good
  • Be respected and admired
  • Sex
  • Admiration
  • Rejection
  • Anger
  • Complaints
  • Criticism
What women typically want is: What Women Don't want:
  • Compliments
  • Affirmations
  • Affection
  • Adequate financial resources
  • Security
  • Emotional openness
  • Sloppy looks
  • Self-centeredness
  • Arrogance
  • Roughness



Here is the catch, here is what every human being wants and it's right underneath our noses. Are you ready?

They want to be loved and accepted!

It's that simple.

I've been happily married to the greatest lady in the world 20 years on July 24, 2013. What she simply wants is for me to listen to her, be affectionate with her, be around her, and show her how much I love her by the little things I do for her.

Guys, if we did this for our spouses, if we made her our glory, we wouldn't be asking what she wants. She is telling you if you would listen. She tells you in her words, tone, facial expressions, and body language. We just have to slow down and take the time to learn her.

This is rarely a problem for her. She was studying us from the day she met us and she knows exactly who you are.

The problem in most relationships is that she is telling you. And you don't like what you are hearing.

Our relationships are a mirror of one another. Zig Ziglar used to say that if you want something from someone, give them what they want first and then you will get what you want.


In the end, we all want different things and we express how we want it differently.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Make the commitment to really learn your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. You will be amazed at the wrapping underneath and you will discover you've been telling each other want you want for a very long time. Start observing, listening, and then interacting.

Do those things, then you will both get what you want.


Do you have a thought, opinion, or disagreement, please leave a comment below.w

Tags: valentine's day, valentine, what men want, what women want
Category: Relationship Management

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