Why Can’t I Fix My Husband? – Why is He So Up and Down and All Over the Place

By Don Purdum

husband-struggling.pngOver the last few weeks I’ve had several conversations with wives that expressed frustration with their husbands who are all over the place emotionally.

One day they are loving and kind, another day they are borderline abusive and certainly angry. This causes feelings of fear, frustration, hurt, and anger in a wife who is trying to share that there is a problem with a husband who is in denial.

There can be several reasons for this, and for couples in this situation they need help to identify the real problems and find solutions to get their marriage back where they both really want it.

3 Reasons Your Husband Could Be All Over the Place In Your Marriage

  1. As a man enters into his forties and fifties, life is not what he envisioned it would be when he was in his twenties and thirties. This can cause anxiety, frustration, and perhaps fear as he looks down the road and wonders where his life is really headed. Especially as he compares it to where he thought it was going.
  2. Things are not good at work or in the business. Perhaps the long hours are draining him both emotionally and physically? Perhaps he’s struggling to meet his goals or cash flow is suffering and does not know how to turn it around. This can cause a lack of sleep as stress levels rise and severe irritability. He’s trying to solve a problem that he doesn’t know how to solve. Talk about stress.
  3. He does not want to bother you with his problems. It’s selfish, but the truth is many men don’t want to tell their wives where they are struggling in the business, at work, or even with their own situations and lives. Sometimes he thinks he is protecting you. Other times he is exhausted and does not want to deal with having to comfort his wife and deal with her emotions. Granted, this is very misguided, but many men feel more stress at the mere thought of being questioned and solving the real problems on top of dealing with his wife’s emotions. He’s not even good at dealing with his own…

When a man is under intense stress he may behave in ways that he may not normally behave. He knows he loves his spouse and family and when cognizant of it he attempts to show it. But when a husband feels stress he can turn from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde on a dime and become rude, explosive, uncaring or unsympathetic.

There is no excuse, and many times he realizes it’s happening, but he doesn’t have the tools or maturity to understand what is happening to him.

When men go through this yo-yo behavior, they don’t realize what is happening to their marriage. When they are not transparent and honest with their wives they erode transparency, confidence, trust, and intimacy in both themselves and their spouse.

This can be devastating and hard to recover from and impossible for a wife if the husband is in denial about the state of the marriage and how his wife feels.

There is really only one solution I know of to truly solve the problem. The couple needs help and they need it fast.

Sex won’t solve the problem. Cuddling won’t solve the problem. The only thing that will solve the problem is to identify it and make some conscious choices of how to solve it. Otherwise, it’s like putting a band aid on a gaping wound. The bleeding will continue until the life is sucked out of the marriage.

What then? Was it worth it? Could the problems have been resolved?

Absolutely! If both partners choose to set aside their pride and ego and work together to solve the problem you can rebuild your marriage.

It can be done! It has been done! And you can do it!

You just have to take the first step. Contact me today and learn if Marriage University (one-on-one couples coaching program), Marriage Classroom (group coaching program), or Mini-Marriage University (online self paced, self study program) are a great fit for you.


If you have a comment or thought, please leave it below in the comments block.

blog comments powered by Disqus